Self Confidence
So, self confidence is really important to me. I believe it is one of the keys to happiness and I think it is extremely important for teenagers (and everyone) to have nowadays, with suicide and self harm levels being so high.
I'm going to start by explaining exactly why this is so significant to me. Sorry guys, this is going to be a long one.
Ever since I was little, I've had some sort of anxiety. Mainly separation anxiety, where I found it hard to be away from my parents, especially my mom. I struggled with school until I was 10, when I gave up on it completely. I have been home schooled for the past 5 years. However, I am returning to state school this September, and I will be studying Construction and The Built Environment at college.
So, how have I took such a massive step, from being absolutely inseparable from my parents to feeling ready and happy about going to college? Well, I don't think I explained how bad my anxiety actually was. It got to the point of me not being able to go out with my dad, only with my mom. I spent a couple of months feeling completely alone and depressed. I didn't have a hobby, or many friends. I didn't see many people at all as I wasn't confident enough to, and when I was, most people ignored me - or at least that was the way I felt. I know now that some of my anxiety was just immaturity, and me not realizing my importance to my family and the friends I had.
Now for the big thing. The thing that really changed my life and in turn boosted my confidence completely. After a while, with a lot of help from my family and friends, I managed to be able to go out, talk to people, etc. I could even go out on my own in the end, as long as my mom was in the same town. But, I was still a bit depressed and lonely, and when I turned 13, I felt as though my childhood was slipping away through my fingers like sand. I thought nothing was going to be the same again and that growing up was going to be a massive slap in the face.
How wrong was I. Eight months after I turned 13, my friend convinced me to buy Animal Crossing: New Leaf. I had played other Animal Crossing games as a kid, and this was the next in the series. I had an unused 3DS. I loved Animal Crossing. I might be a bit old for it, but why not? I started playing Animal Crossing: New Leaf on the UK release date. Under a month later, I had a gaming blog. My gaming blog days are long gone, but I like to think I'm still good friends with Jeff, who owns the website that I met my boyfriend and some of my best friends on. In the end, it was Animal Crossing that changed my life, and me as a person.
My friends are the best I have ever had, and getting to know them has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. My boyfriend has boosted my confidence more than ever, and now, more than 2 years on, I am still with him and I have many other AC friends. I like to think I am a big part of The Bell Tree Forums, and Jeff and I are still getting to know each other. I more recently met Emma, the co-founder of this blog. And this time, I was able to make friends without the aid of a video game. She is one of the best people I have ever known, and I love her to bits. Without them, I don't know where I would be.
DRTL: I have changed dramatically over the past 5 years. I used to have a lot of anxiety, but that has all changed.
So, with my story over, let's get to the advice I would like to give to people who are still at the stage I was all those years ago.
Remember that you are not alone
When I was feeling crappy about school, the one thing that helped me most was knowing that I wasn't the only one going through it. There are so many people that feel the same way as you do, and so many ways you can talk to them. Social media, forums and other websites are only some of these ways. Youth groups and self help groups at your local youth center/church or any other meeting place are another way.
Surround yourself with people you love, and love you
Remember how much your friends/family and partner love and need you. So many people would be sad if you were gone. Your followers, for example. That one person that always spam-likes your posts. Your best friend, the one that tries to help you through no matter what. Your family, they will always love, cherish and try to support you in any way they can. Your partner, the one that never gives up on you, always listens to what you have to say and doesn't judge you in any way. Also, everyone else who's going through exactly the same as you are. We are all stronger together.
Selfies
Okay, I'm telling you now. In a way, I ABSOLUTELY HATE selfies. They have killed people. They have caused people to self harm, commit suicide and I think they are horrible. Many teenagers now use social media to post pictures of themselves pouting, just to live up to the other teenagers around them. I hate that, and I think selfies are playing a big part in it. I want to say now:
We are all unique. We all have different lives. That is something to be proud of. Stop trying to 'fit in'. Because trust me, I wouldn't want to.
But, on the other hand, I think selfies are a key tool here. I challenge you, if you are feeling bad about your appearance, to stop reading and take a selfie. SAVE THE VERY FIRST ONE. Now don't crop it, tint it, etc. Make it your cell/mobile phone wallpaper, and look at it closely. Study your face, that one has become so alien to you, and remember that it is who you are, and that is a good thing. Find ONE thing that is good about your appearance. I don't care how small it is, it could be one ringlet in your hair, the fact that a zit has gone, anything. Just find one thing. Now do this every single day when you wake up. Realize that you are beautiful, because trust me, you are.
Music
When I'm feeling down, one of the things I find that really helps is music. It can also help me feel less lonely. I have created a 'happy songs' playlist here. I have included (what I believe to be) body positive, LGBTQ+ positive, LDR, uplifting and self-help songs.
Friendships
Okay guys, this is a big thing. I find, when I'm not doing good, the internet is (one of) the best places to come. As I mentioned in my (extremely long) story, most of my friends are online, which comes with problems. Lots of them. So, even though online friendships are great in some ways, there is other things that are good to look out for, which I'll mention below:
-Trust. Trust can be hard(er) to gain/earn on the internet, especially if you don't see the other persons face. Sometimes, you really don't know who you're talking to, and as well as positive, I have also had negative experiences online.
-Getting to know someone. Depending on different personalities, some people can be harder to get to know than others. Also, remember that others may be more closed/less willing to give out information as freely. It doesn't mean they're creepy in any way, it just means it might take longer to earn their trust.
-Remember time zones. Don't expect people to reply to you immediately-everyone deserves their own personal space and could be asleep/at work/eating/at school etc.
-Respect everyone online. Treat people how you would like to be treated-and if someone treats you badly, don't treat them badly too. As in real life, it makes you just as bad as each other. It's always better to back away. Also, remember everyone needs their own personal space. Not everyone wants friends all the time, or someone to talk to. Others might just feel socially awkward and not know what to say, don't take that personally. I get nervous often enough, and feel like I've said something wrong. It's completely normal, and the internet is one of the places where I feel most self conscious.
-Forums are a great place to meet people, along with chat rooms, fanpages and social media. If you find a website relating to something you like, a game, book, hobby, sport etc, then you're more likely to find people similar to you. We actually have a book forum, which you can find here. I met two of my best friends on Jeff's ACNL friend code exchange.
-Try to be mature and not spam people (unless you know them pretty well). Spamming is immature and can make you sound desperate and pathetic. Unless you know the full story/situation, don't jump to conclusions. It can back fire on you if you don't know how to delete messages afterwards. Just because you're having a moment of nervousness, worry or panic, always think before you send something. You can't take it back.I wish I knew this before yesterday.
-Be prepared to lose people. For unknown reasons, many people on the internet just go AWOL. If this happens, don't jump to conclusions. Just remember, most people do have lives outside of the internet. I have had two good friends online over the past 2 years that just...disappeared, and actually, it can really hurt. Especially if you've known them for a while. So basically, don't get too attached to people, unless you know who they are and that you can trust them. Because if you do get too attached to someone, and they go, then you're more likely to take it personally.
-Feeling bad because of bullying online? Feel helpless because they have a better status than you? I'm going to give you one of my favorite quotes here. My amazing brother who I am so proud of for just being himself told me this one:
First they ignore you,
Then they laugh at you,
Then they fight you,
Then you win.
-Mahatma Gandhi
Important note: People are either a blessing, or a lesson. If something does go wrong, it's likely you'll learn from it. Every cloud has a silver lining.
Get lost in something
Don't dwell on stuff. Sorry to swear, but shit happens. In the end, you have to at least try to push away that sad worry stone that has risen to your throat, or the bottom of your stomach. It might hurt, it might make you angry, lash out or be upset, but you'll survive. It'll all be okay, and afterwards, you'll look back and be proud of yourself for what you did. I always find it helps to have my comforting laptop on my knees, a cuddly pet beside me, a blanket around my shoulders, a controller/console in my hands or with a book. Which brings me onto:
READ READ READ!!!
When you're feeling like crap, it's time to forget about it for a while. Whenever I'm nervous, especially when I'm worried about where I stand with one of my friends, it's the best thing to be involved in other peoples lives for a while, and to think about something else. You never know, but your character could have a problem and solve it, that might be similar to yours. This way, you can also see other peoples perspectives, and maybe help what is happening to you.
I truly, really hope this helps anyone who reads it. I love you all, even if you feel like no one else does.
You are good enough. And you can get through this.
-Beth
Happy Reading (and stay happy!)♥
P.S. Feel free to message me on Tumblr, my Instagram, Our Bookish Instagram, post on our forum, message me on Bell Tree or even email us at sugarplumbug@gmail.com
My friends are the best I have ever had, and getting to know them has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. My boyfriend has boosted my confidence more than ever, and now, more than 2 years on, I am still with him and I have many other AC friends. I like to think I am a big part of The Bell Tree Forums, and Jeff and I are still getting to know each other. I more recently met Emma, the co-founder of this blog. And this time, I was able to make friends without the aid of a video game. She is one of the best people I have ever known, and I love her to bits. Without them, I don't know where I would be.
DRTL: I have changed dramatically over the past 5 years. I used to have a lot of anxiety, but that has all changed.
So, with my story over, let's get to the advice I would like to give to people who are still at the stage I was all those years ago.
Remember that you are not alone
When I was feeling crappy about school, the one thing that helped me most was knowing that I wasn't the only one going through it. There are so many people that feel the same way as you do, and so many ways you can talk to them. Social media, forums and other websites are only some of these ways. Youth groups and self help groups at your local youth center/church or any other meeting place are another way.
Surround yourself with people you love, and love you
Remember how much your friends/family and partner love and need you. So many people would be sad if you were gone. Your followers, for example. That one person that always spam-likes your posts. Your best friend, the one that tries to help you through no matter what. Your family, they will always love, cherish and try to support you in any way they can. Your partner, the one that never gives up on you, always listens to what you have to say and doesn't judge you in any way. Also, everyone else who's going through exactly the same as you are. We are all stronger together.
Selfies
Okay, I'm telling you now. In a way, I ABSOLUTELY HATE selfies. They have killed people. They have caused people to self harm, commit suicide and I think they are horrible. Many teenagers now use social media to post pictures of themselves pouting, just to live up to the other teenagers around them. I hate that, and I think selfies are playing a big part in it. I want to say now:
We are all unique. We all have different lives. That is something to be proud of. Stop trying to 'fit in'. Because trust me, I wouldn't want to.
But, on the other hand, I think selfies are a key tool here. I challenge you, if you are feeling bad about your appearance, to stop reading and take a selfie. SAVE THE VERY FIRST ONE. Now don't crop it, tint it, etc. Make it your cell/mobile phone wallpaper, and look at it closely. Study your face, that one has become so alien to you, and remember that it is who you are, and that is a good thing. Find ONE thing that is good about your appearance. I don't care how small it is, it could be one ringlet in your hair, the fact that a zit has gone, anything. Just find one thing. Now do this every single day when you wake up. Realize that you are beautiful, because trust me, you are.
Music
When I'm feeling down, one of the things I find that really helps is music. It can also help me feel less lonely. I have created a 'happy songs' playlist here. I have included (what I believe to be) body positive, LGBTQ+ positive, LDR, uplifting and self-help songs.
Friendships
Okay guys, this is a big thing. I find, when I'm not doing good, the internet is (one of) the best places to come. As I mentioned in my (extremely long) story, most of my friends are online, which comes with problems. Lots of them. So, even though online friendships are great in some ways, there is other things that are good to look out for, which I'll mention below:
-Trust. Trust can be hard(er) to gain/earn on the internet, especially if you don't see the other persons face. Sometimes, you really don't know who you're talking to, and as well as positive, I have also had negative experiences online.
-Getting to know someone. Depending on different personalities, some people can be harder to get to know than others. Also, remember that others may be more closed/less willing to give out information as freely. It doesn't mean they're creepy in any way, it just means it might take longer to earn their trust.
-Remember time zones. Don't expect people to reply to you immediately-everyone deserves their own personal space and could be asleep/at work/eating/at school etc.
-Respect everyone online. Treat people how you would like to be treated-and if someone treats you badly, don't treat them badly too. As in real life, it makes you just as bad as each other. It's always better to back away. Also, remember everyone needs their own personal space. Not everyone wants friends all the time, or someone to talk to. Others might just feel socially awkward and not know what to say, don't take that personally. I get nervous often enough, and feel like I've said something wrong. It's completely normal, and the internet is one of the places where I feel most self conscious.
-Forums are a great place to meet people, along with chat rooms, fanpages and social media. If you find a website relating to something you like, a game, book, hobby, sport etc, then you're more likely to find people similar to you. We actually have a book forum, which you can find here. I met two of my best friends on Jeff's ACNL friend code exchange.
-Try to be mature and not spam people (unless you know them pretty well). Spamming is immature and can make you sound desperate and pathetic. Unless you know the full story/situation, don't jump to conclusions. It can back fire on you if you don't know how to delete messages afterwards. Just because you're having a moment of nervousness, worry or panic, always think before you send something. You can't take it back.
-Be prepared to lose people. For unknown reasons, many people on the internet just go AWOL. If this happens, don't jump to conclusions. Just remember, most people do have lives outside of the internet. I have had two good friends online over the past 2 years that just...disappeared, and actually, it can really hurt. Especially if you've known them for a while. So basically, don't get too attached to people, unless you know who they are and that you can trust them. Because if you do get too attached to someone, and they go, then you're more likely to take it personally.
-Feeling bad because of bullying online? Feel helpless because they have a better status than you? I'm going to give you one of my favorite quotes here. My amazing brother who I am so proud of for just being himself told me this one:
First they ignore you,
Then they laugh at you,
Then they fight you,
Then you win.
-Mahatma Gandhi
Important note: People are either a blessing, or a lesson. If something does go wrong, it's likely you'll learn from it. Every cloud has a silver lining.
Get lost in something
Don't dwell on stuff. Sorry to swear, but shit happens. In the end, you have to at least try to push away that sad worry stone that has risen to your throat, or the bottom of your stomach. It might hurt, it might make you angry, lash out or be upset, but you'll survive. It'll all be okay, and afterwards, you'll look back and be proud of yourself for what you did. I always find it helps to have my comforting laptop on my knees, a cuddly pet beside me, a blanket around my shoulders, a controller/console in my hands or with a book. Which brings me onto:
READ READ READ!!!
When you're feeling like crap, it's time to forget about it for a while. Whenever I'm nervous, especially when I'm worried about where I stand with one of my friends, it's the best thing to be involved in other peoples lives for a while, and to think about something else. You never know, but your character could have a problem and solve it, that might be similar to yours. This way, you can also see other peoples perspectives, and maybe help what is happening to you.
I truly, really hope this helps anyone who reads it. I love you all, even if you feel like no one else does.
You are good enough. And you can get through this.
-Beth
Happy Reading (and stay happy!)♥
P.S. Feel free to message me on Tumblr, my Instagram, Our Bookish Instagram, post on our forum, message me on Bell Tree or even email us at sugarplumbug@gmail.com
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